| No title found. |
[20 Nov 2004|02:44pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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Madonna - Beautiful Stranger |
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i wish i had half this guy's talent. or at least a scanner. haha.
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| Suicide Stardust |
[14 Nov 2004|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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 shad, as death would say. |
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music |
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Trust Company - Dover [Quiet Mix] |
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i am bored. and talentless. and utterly useless.
i know no love, nor faith, nor fear. it's pathetic.
i am sensitive to words, but i am never careful with mine. i am a fanatic for change, but i do not move for amends.
i am in love with the wrongest of people, and those who love me i can never love back.
how sad, this life. this excuse for a life. my life. a trivial thing such as boredom can cause a void in my soul. it has lost its purpose, and it runs around in circles and in circles more. i will stop. i will run. but in a staircase, i will - going up, going down, but always going the same way (yes. that was from the joy luck club).
so those who wish me dead, wish a little harder! come wish with me! for death is my freedom. my rest. but if you wish me dead because of hatred for me, then you will find no fulfillment for i wish to be dead just as much as you do, and why on earth would you wish for my glorious dream to escape this earth i've known so long?
what good must luck do when i am fated to face a miserable destiny? what happiness will love cause in this cemented heart of mine? what weight and pain can you afflict? what can be too much of a burden when it has always felt as if the world were lying on my shoulders?
justify my life. crucify my love. sanctify my sorrow.
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| Fearworks |
[12 Nov 2004|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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 repairman-man-man-man. |
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music |
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Antonio Vivaldi - Winter from the Four Seasons |
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today we celebrated the feast of the 1650th birthday of our patron saint, saint augustine.
i have pictures to prove it. hee-hee.
( Fearworks )
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| It's All Over... |
[07 Nov 2004|06:18pm] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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Switchfoot - Meant to Live |
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zeeky boogy doog.i'm at donna's house because i was finishing up my computer project which needed a burner (that i don't have) and which screwed up (that i don't know why). but it's finally over. my project. my sembreak (just when i was starting to enjoy the ennui). my second quarter worries. tomorrow marks the day of my irregular brain waving and a chapter of worries anew. it's as if i took a bath in mud and grease for years and years but all i need now is a shower and i'm squeaky clean again. haha. it's funny how some things in life are so simple it's so brainwhracking and complex. XP we surfed around albino blacksheep now we're starting to recover from all the inanity. ugh. my back hurts. so does my stomach. XP. that's all. really. there's no more. ha. i just wasted 3 minutes of your life. no. don't thank me. thank you.
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| Feast of All Saints |
[02 Nov 2004|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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 schizophrenic |
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music |
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shiina ringo - honnou |
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shallow, jei, shallow. it was the feast of all saints, and i meet the man of my dreams in a church i so detest. in a mass i so neglected. but there he had himself excused, and he almost flew over for politely avoiding my foster mom's large knees while trying not to step on the pews. funny! how dreadfully funny! this man in white who was older than i was, but insatiably young! and his face is the cross of ryan agoncillo and this guy whose name i do not know of! but blasphemy... the blasphemy of it all! he is too handsome for my wretched ugliness. too handsome to notice my putrid eyes on his chinese skin and slim physique. too handsome to credit my existence except only when excusing himself for blocking his way... his narrow way. and during the entirity of the mass nothing flooded by mind but whimsical imaginations of what could be but in reality could never be. it has been a hobby, and i have become a master of it, even if god himself doesn't know what my imagination's capable of. and so the mass ends. he walks away. leaving me hopeless like all men in my life have. so comes the end of my dream. my empty but hopeful dream. and now, i am to suffer with ignorance of this dreaded computer project i have to do. ah! the irony! the sarcasm and paradox of it all! should i be hanged for failing in computer class for my utter stupidity when the truth of the matter is i face a computer more than regularly daily?! ha. hahaha. hahahahahahahahahaha.sorry. i have been reading anne rice's the feast of all saints lately. kind of timely, wouldn't you agree? also, i am flabbergasted by this project i have to do with visual basic 6. i have no knowledge of the said program. i don't even have the program in my computer until later because i'm off to the mall to buy it. i have to make an installation disk, too, but i don't have a freaking burner, even, so i have to go through all the trouble looking for someone with both visual basic and a burner. that's why all hail, donna! haha. |
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| Happy Halloween |
[31 Oct 2004|03:04pm] |
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mood |
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inhibited depression |
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music |
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6 Cycle Mind - Sige |
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halloween happy, everyone. yeah, right, like i mean it. i have eight more days of drudgery. i can't even stand a weekend anymore, moreso a ten-day sembreak. and some people think i'm lucky. no plans whatsoever (except visiting my mom which has been a monthly ritual since past incidents). sigh. my friends having lives of their own, and i can't help but feel happy for them and feel inanely miserable for myself for not having a life. that's so weird, how ennui can kill you inside. makes me understand them french symbolists a whole lot more. like paul verlaine, "it weeps with such pain. what! there's no treason? this pain's without reason."well, since it's the season of souls, let's talk about death. wow. i am determined to die a natural cause come 30. sure, that's too young. sure, life begins at 40. but i've seen old people and middle aged people. i just can't let my soul die during those years because once i'm a spirit, i'll look just like how i did when i died. i don't want that! i want to be a young spirit. too bad old people, or even young people like donna and death who are a little younger than me but are very determined to die before me, don't understand that. old people say come 50, then i can die. sorry. it's surefire i'll not end up a pentagenarian. or something. and look. i actually took a meme. and what! i can absolutely relate to something so pathetic (sorry, the title of the meme suggested it itself). and i'll leave you with this so you could leave me here in peace.
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| Proud to be... Yellowish Brown. |
[28 Oct 2004|07:17pm] |
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mood |
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krahaha. |
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music |
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Bamboo - Masaya |
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periodical exam week is finally over... ugh. i don't want to talk about it and i don't want to know how badly i did either. but my adviser who also is my cle teacher told me i got a 97 or a 98 out of a HUNDRED in the periodical exam... wow... i just can't believe it... of all the subjects? ha-ha. any-whoo... i went out with donna to watch a movie a while ago and afterwards we passed by landmark and went view-shopping. i was so amazed how almost everything i wanted to wear was in landmark of all places... ahahaha... funny thing is, when me and donna were checking out some accesories, i saw this one with jay chou in the background. UGH! blasphemy! how can jay chou be treated like some lowly taiwanese model for such a cheap item! but then, i saw what the accesory was. it turns out that it was something i always wanted, and it was an okay imitation of jay chou's chain rings he wore for the album pictures of this certain album which i believe starts with... F. ugh... here's a pic-see:  yeah... i recognize this pic and that's really jay chou. i can't believe how lowly he was used... ahaha... the highlighted part of this pic are his nice chain rings (which i never thought anyone would produce. if you see my earlier drawings, you'd always see my subjects wearing chain rings).
and here they are. in my hands. haha... my hands are so big, they're as big as jay's... ahahah... so shtubby.speaking of jay, i saw his latest video lately. i really don't know what image he really wants to portray. from boy next door to kung fu star to mafia mobster and now to rapping acoustic rocker. ahaha. at least his sounds are solid as ever. i like how jay chou treats his rapping and singing with acoustics and or classical asian strings. ha. i guess ethnically speaking, the "asians" just are not susceptible to permanence. there's always something changing and new to them. which brings me to the movie we just watched, white chicks. haha. very cute satirical ethnic farcical comedy. it's a really nice barkada movie... too bad only i and donna were able to watch. ALTHOUGH the theater was bombarded by augustinians.... haha. nothing particularly new about that. after seeing jay, the wayan brothers and some dumb ass white chicks, i became more proud of being filipino. ugh. no one else is more balanced than the filipinos. too bad filipinos are to extermist-inclined to notice how great they are. no one is as flexible and durable and versatile as we are. kung gaya gaya man kami, we're the best at it. haha. (kaya siguro pinakita yung commercial ng inquirer bago magstart yung movie.. yung, "is being a filipino still something to be proud of?") definitely. |
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| Delubyo |
[21 Oct 2004|08:10pm] |
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mood |
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stupid |
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music |
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Lacoste Jingle --- "let me show you the way"! |
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new layout. hoo-rah! it's ever so pretty-in-cross-dress-y shinya! really... he makes everyday all hallow's eve day... or something. btw, i can't do something about the table position (i really tried adjusting the left margin but it just won't go to where it's supposed to go) so if the entry tables are in some funky place i'm really sorry bout that. hehe. changed the title from bloody chinese hairpins to delubyo. it's filipino for "apocalypse"... haha. i bet many filipinos don't know that either. anywhoo... it's been a while since i last blogged. and during those times i have been exhausted, delirious, manic, depressed, groggy and braindead in general. wee-hee-hee. one big factor of those phases i went through is probably because exam week is fast approaching (it's next week already) and i fear that my screws have totally fallen off and my brain is in no condition to think of more than i could bear. in other words, my brain... it hurts! hmm... other than that, the only interesting thing that happened this week (as far as i can remember) is that we took this career guide test in special homeroom guidance class wherein we learned what our strengths are and what part of the brain dominates you... i kind of was not surprised with my result: i'm musical or music-wise. haha. i'm so musical that it's nauseating. my top 2 and 3 results are spatial or artistic-wise and intrapersonal. no wonder there, either. it's so predictable, knowing how musically-inclined, abnormally artistic and independently "oh-i-so-hate-teamwork-kinda" person i am. lol. hmm. but i know some of you are very visual characters. haha. here are some pics. bon apetit.  suggestive elementshaha. that ain't no skirt. that's my tita's half-slip which is double my waist size. haha. i was wearing shorts and i tucked the waistline just so it won't fall off. very suggestive pic, isn't it? here are it's elements: baroque silk skirt (a.k.a. very wide half-slip), boots and a torture device (a.k.a. my studded belt). haha.  hand arti did it again. the career guide test sort of bored me so i was doodling with my epidermis again. haha.  hand art. closer.here's a closer (but not necessarily clearer) view. XD btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEEEEEAAAATTTHHH!!
aww.. my younger bro's now a decade and five years... i feel so old.
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| Tao ba Ako? |
[14 Oct 2004|08:53am] |
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mood |
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sore |
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music |
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Garbage - Special |
] |
i'm starting to doubt my humanity. it's really silly, but it's true. am i a monster? am i a marrionette? i really don't know what i am because what i know of humans is that they are incapable of stopping their emotions no matter how hard they try. but, i don't have emotions to begin with?
maybe i used to be a human being, but my humanity's everything but there. if ever in any aspect i'm still human, in the most important aspect of being human, i am void of... strange, huh?
well, all i can say is, acceptance of fate can be someone's downfall. it was mine.
here are other food for thoughts (Pud Por Tots in vietnamese) that i conjured before i doubted kung tao nga ba talaga ako. would any of you care to interpret them just to say something to me? thanks in advance.
1. luxury is more loved than luxurious people.
2. some mature but still never grow up.
3. realism prevents greatness.
4. boredom is wasted potential.
5. psychedelia is colorful in spirit while black-and-white is colorful in soul.
6. stress is for those without any forms of ventilation.
7. silence kills relationships a many number of times compared to chaos.
8. a paradox isn't that hard to find... just go look for a woman and you'll see one.
9. lies are both the salvation and death of man
and i challenge you to interpret (or even understand this:
10. it is could never have been if it weren't.
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| Not Emo. |
[12 Oct 2004|12:53am] |
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mood |
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irritated |
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music |
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Sheryl Crow - Tomorrow Never Dies |
] |
i hate it when people get me wrong.
i hate it when people see me as one of those suicidal posers who feel as if that there's no longer hope left for them. i'm not stereotypically inclined, thank you, if you just opened your eyes and mind a bit. if one's artistic, strange and looks like they've just shot themselves with sedatives, maybe they just so happened to be indifferent, stoic or sleepless.
oh please. i really dig emos, but i'm not one of them (sadly? deniably?). don't label me as one of 'em "feelers" because if there's one thing i am not that is someone emotionally expressive (ugh, that sounded kinda emo in general... lol. paradox, anyone?).
but the truth is, emos aren't even generally suicidal... it's just that they're given such an image because they are the ones who are expressive of their emotional frustrations... see how evil the eye of society is! hail agoraphobics!
why am i ranting, anyway? such a dufus, i am.
probably because i am, more often than not, accused of being an emo, but they also, more often than not, neglect and inconsider my emotions when they tease, abuse and degrade me. tinatawag nyo akong feeler tapos lagi nyong winawasak, binubusabos at nilalapastangan feelings ko? ampoota?
haha. i still love you, my emo friends~! let's kill all em fhuck-ters who fuck us up!
parang ang sarap sabihin, "am i a real boy?" *tuuuuuuuggggggggsssh* pinocchio/halley joel osment ampoota.
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